Tracts of my tears

This morning as I was stopping at our credit union a woman drove by me, stopped, rolled down her window and asked me if I wanted something to read, then thrust a Christian pamphlet at me.

I declined, but it got me to thinking: Do other religions have people who hand out religious tracts or other literature, or go door to door?

On a hot summer day when I see groups of people in suits roaming the neighborhood, I know they're knocking on doors and talking about Jesus. We get Jehovah's witnesses, too, but they're clearly Christian, even though many other Christians don't seem to like them. (What is it with you people?)

I've never had a Hindu knock on my door, never had a Sufi aggressively thrust a pamphlet into my hand while whirling or otherwise (whirling dervishes are Sufis), never had a Zen master corner me in the produce section at the grocery store ("Life is like an apple. I will explain.")

Do other religions want you to come to them, rather than the other way around? Or have I just missed the wave of Sikh missionaries that troop down the sidewalks o America, urging men to put down their razors at every turn?

Rastafarians are probably too stoned, Scientologists are probably too preoccupied with Tom Cruise, and Unitarians wouldn't proselytize because it is, rather, you know, unseemly. Jews, of course, are afraid of schvitzing.

But surrealists? They're coming at us all the time. You just don't know it.

(Speaking of which, here is my favorite surrealist joke, which I didn't make up. Q: Why did the surrealist cross the road? A. A fish. I know surrealism isn't a religion, but it seems to have a lot in common with a number of them.)