At least, unlike the Catholic services I sometimes attend (my wife and children are Catholic), in Jewish services there's more sitting and less rising, meaning I'll have more quality thinking time to drift off mentally.
First, I'll pitch the entire final game of the World Series for the Orioles, concluding a perfect game by striking out Jeter on a nasty slider low and away. He'll flail helplessly. (Yes, my fantasies are completely cliche ridden.) At my post-game interview, I'll be modest, deflecting all compliments and opining that what matters is that we've brought the World Series trophy back to Baltimore.
Then I'll record the first quintuple double (double figures in points, assists, rebounds, steals and blocked shots) in Washington Wizards history, a sterling achievement for a 5' 6" player. For my last blocked shot, I'll slap Lebron's attempted dunk into the fourth row. The look on his face will be priceless.
Once again, I'll be modest at the post-game press conference. (I'm known for my humility in the sports world.)
Then it's on to the Super Bowl, where my defensive exploits (two interceptions run back for touchdowns, half a dozen forced fumbles, tackles so savage Tom Brady completely avoids my side of the field after the first quarter). My comment to Ray Lewis just before the start of the game will be a classic: "You just be Ray Lewis. I've got your back." He'll dismantle the parts of the offense I don't. Afterwards, we'll probably hug.
Once again, my post-game press conference will stress that the team won the game, not me.
I'm not sure what I'll think about for the second hour.
No comments:
Post a Comment