Happily Ever After

I briefly managed — in this case, "managed" meant "hangs out with us and gets in for free and is the only one wearing something nicer than a T-shirt" — a band that picked up the occasional wedding gig.

My favorite wedding was the one where a huge fight broke out. Apparently, the family of the Italian bride and Polish groom (I might have those reversed) had, as they say, cultural differences. Someone's uncle took offense at something someone else's cousin said, words were exchange, someone grabbed someone's arm, that someone told the original someone to relinquish said arm, and well, you get the picture.

Adding to the comedy was the fact that the bride was both drop dead gorgeous and a head taller than the groom, who was far from drop dead gorgeous.

As the fight spread beyond the original two participants, the band had two crucial questions:

Should we stop playing?

Is the guy who's supposed to pay us involved in the fight?

Luckily, the guy who was paying the band was not among those who wound up being arrested. He didn't even try to negotiate a reduced price because the band hadn't played a full set.

I often wonder how that couple is doing.

My second favorite wedding — well, besides my own, which didn't involve violence of any sort — was the wedding of two friends, Ray and Teal. They had a band whose singer fancied himself quite the MC and comic, and when the bridesmaids/groomsmen walked into the reception, h introduced each couple with a flourish.

My friend Elliott Finkelstein happened to have the good fortune of walking in with a bridesmaid named Lisa Frankenfeld. The MC, who was in no danger of giving Einstein a run for his money, glanced at the list of names in his hand. "Presenting," he bellowed, "Mr. and Mrs. Frankenstein!"

Elliott turned to Lisa, and in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear, asked her, "When did we get married?"

When Elliott, who is almost a dead ringer for Groucho Marx, actually did get married years later (not to Lisa), he and his new wife turned around after making their vows to discover that half of the guests had donned Groucho glasses while the happy couple was facing the other way.

But that's another story. And Ray and Teal, as far as I know, are still married.