Roll the Dice

My wife's record as a gambler is enviable: she's never lost. At least in a casino.

Years ago we were vacationing in St. Martin, and arrived early for a dinner reservation in a restaurant whose building also housed a casino. With time to kill, my wife's curiosity led us into the casino.

It was tiny and amateurish, compared to American casinos, the equivalent of something you might build in your basement: two short rows of slot machines (maybe 20 in all), one roulette wheel, half a dozen tables for various games. My wife, intimidated by the tables and wheel, approached the slots. She asked how they worked, and I explained.

"Do we have time for me to try one?" "Sure, go ahead."

She inserted a coin and yanked the lever (these weren't the modern electronic machines). The wheels spun. She won nothing. She tried again. Nothing. She tried a third time.

Ding ding ding! Lights flashed, bells rang, and coins began to spill out of the machine and onto the floor, rolling and bouncing around us. My wife began giggling uncontrollably. "I won! I won!"

She gathered up her winnings, which were about $80. 

"What do we do now?" 

"We leave. You just won enough to pay for dinner." 

"But I want to play some more."

"Of course you do. And if you play long enough you'll give it all back. Trust me."

And off we went to dinner. It was all the more tasty for being paid for by gambling winnings. My wife has never been in a casino since and, apparently, hasn't missed it.

Last year for Christmas I bought her a one-year subscription to the lottery's Mega Millions, which meant that she was automatically entered into every drawing (twice a week) for a year. The Maryland Lottery sends you a letter if you've won a larger amount (I think over $1,000), but just adds up your smaller winnings and sends you a check for them at the end of the year.

Every day, of course, I'd run out to the mailbox to see if we'd received that $1,000+ letter. I mentally spent multimillion dollar prizes many times over.

One day there was a letter from the Maryland Lottery, which she eagerly ripped open. Inside was a check for her year's worth of winnings.

$18. We ate dinner at home.