Chrome Dreams

Does everyone have some memorable cars in their lives, mostly memorable because of how odd or bad they were? I had a friend who had an old beater with a loose steering wheel. When taking a girl out on a first date he would (on a straight stretch of road) suddenly pull the steering wheel off the column, hand it to her and say, "Here, you drive for awhile." her reaction would often determine whether there was a second date.

Another friend had a Volkswagen Beetle — the original, air cooled version — and we really did once fix it with a paperclip. (A spark plug wire was falling apart and we temporarily bridged the gap with the paperclip. A wire hanger for a radio antenna? Did it more than once.)

My worst car was a 1966 Ford Fairlane 500, a big old bomb of a car that had a 302 cu. in V-8 and a nice rumble. It also had manual brakes which took both feet to push on the pedal when I was tired, and a curious electrical problem which caused it to stall whenever I drove through a puddle that was deep enough.

But the worst time ever driving it was when I was late and rushing to get to school (college). Just as I passed a police car the exhaust, already a bit rusted out, fell off the car with a giant clang and clatter. With no muffler, of course, the engine instantly became much louder.

The police officer looked over, shook his head, and kept driving. I guess he could see that my day was bad enough without having a ticket added to it.

I also once had a 1965 Mercedes Benz four door sedan, and each door was a slightly different color. (I bought it used in the 70s.) My girlfriend liked it because the passenger seat had an air conditioning event that blew straight up her dress if she sat with her legs spread.

I won't make the obvious joke. But you can if you wish.