Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Wedding Bell Blues

The first time I was in Reno, Nevada, it took me about an hour to get bored playing blackjack (I'm not a big casino person). The hotel where we were staying had a small chapel in the basement, and I thought I'd wander down there an watch people get married every 15-20 minutes.

It was even better than I expected.

I watched for an hour and a half, and it was one train wreck after another. Couples who were so drunk they were (barely) holding each other up. People who couldn't count out the money to pay for the wedding. Grooms who remarked "That's a nice name" when they heard their bride's last name, apparently for the first time.

None of them had any business getting married.

During rare breaks in the action I chatted with the minister about his job. Did people have to demonstrate any mental competence, or knowledge of what they were doing? Did people have to be sober enough to know what day it was? The answer was no: if they had ID, were old enough and had the money, that was all the minister needed. I wondered if legally marrying people who could barely stand up bothered him in any way. (I'm not being judgmental; I was just curious.) It turned out he was okay with it.

What percentage of the people he married, I asked him, were likely to remember what they'd done when they woke up the next day? What percentage would roll over, look at the person beside them and say 'Who the hell are you?'

The minister didn't hazard a guess and, by this time, he was starting to show some irritation with my questions. I left.

Did I mention the chapel was decorated in an Elvis motif?

Should you ever find yourself in Nevada — I was only there because someone else was paying for it — I highly recommend a visit to the nearest hotel which includes a casino and a chapel. You won't be disappointed.

As an aside, I had two friends who were walking by a chapel in a hotel in Las Vegas (I think they were there for a convention) and she, frustrated that they'd been dating for a long time and he hadn't asked her to marry him, pulled him into the chapel. Twenty minutes later they were husband and wife. He was still dazed when he returned home and told me about it a week later.

They're divorced now.

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