Your Witness

Today I got an unexpected letter: handwritten, in the type of handwriting that made me think the sender was older, from someone I've never met who lives about 10 or 15 miles from here. It was a letter exhorting me to become a Jehovah's Witness, and inviting me to a church. The sender, a woman (according to her signature), helpfully enclosed a tract about the serenity that awaited me if I became a Jehovah's Witness, and the eternal damnation that was my future if I didn't.

Although I support some of the group's pacifist beliefs, and applaud the many contributions they've made to civil liberties in this country — the First Amendment would be a mere shell if not for many of the Witness' historic court cases — I think I'm going to pass.

As an advertising writer who's written many direct response campaigns, I wonder how successful this one will be. The rule of thumb for the success of a direct mail campaign is this:

50% of the success or failure of a direct mail campaign can be attributed to the mailing list

30% depends on the offer being made

20% hinges on the design and writing

Granted, study after study shows that a personalized, hand written letter gets much higher results, so we can assume that last 20% is taken care of. The offer — eternal salvation — seems pretty strong. (Certainly stronger than the other piece of direct mail I received today, which was a buy one, get one free offer on a Big Mac.)

But I think the mailing list — Jews who have never expressed any interest in Christianity in general, or Jehovah's Witnesses in particular — might be the problem. Surely there are other groups, such as people who are already Christian, that might offer better odds of success.

The real question, of course, is who this woman is, how she got my name and address, and why she decided to invite me to her church. I man, my wife is Catholic, but I've never received a solicitation from any Catholic church (although I did once give a check for $350 to the Baltimore Archdiocese, but that's another story.)

I might follow up with the woman and see how the campaign is going. Or I might just go get myself a free Big Mac.