Take this job

By the time you read this I'll probably be much wealthier than you. An incredible opportunity has come my way, and I'll soon be leaving the ranks of the little people.

I recently posted my resume on the major job sites, and in minutes I had a hit: I was contacted by Eric Lewis, who wants me to become a financial agent representative — sounds classy, doesn't it? — for his company. As he describes in his letter, to avoid onerous Swiss banking regulations (he approves of the bankers' need for security, but finds their regulations to be a bit of a pain, apparently) his company will purchase and resell "products in such spheres of industry as electronics, chemical products, expensive construction materials (aren't they all?) and manufactured goods.

His company sells the products internationally and the money from his clients is wired to my account. I wire him the money and get a fat commission.

How fat? Eric — he emailed me using my first name, so I guess we're on a first-name basis already — said I'll make $3,000 in commissions the first month, then increasing by $500 a month until I hit $8,000 a month, and then when my two-year (!) trial period is completed with his company I get $2,500 a week. A week! That's a whole lot more than I made last week.

I have to be on my toes, though: If I don't send the money that's deposited in my account to him within 12 hours, I lose my commission. After 48 hours, if I haven't sent him the money, he contacts the police.

It's no wonder his letter says his company hires only "honest, dependable, punctual people."

If you notice a change in the writing style on this blog soon, don't be surprised. I'll be so busy making money I'll have to hire someone else to do it. I'll certainly be able to afford him.